A couple weeks ago I was in Portland for a conference and found myself having the same conversation over and over again with professional colleagues and friends.

• Them: “Whoa man – every time I log in to facebook I see you running crazy miles. And those pictures – wow man!”
• Me: “Thanks, but really, I don’t run that much. And, deep down, I kind of hate running. I just like getting up in the mountains to explore.”
• Them: Eye-rolls thinking I’m being annoyingly self-deprecating and/or fishing for compliments.
• Me: “No, seriously. Among my trail-running friends I am a complete amateur. Not impressive. But among my non-trailrunning friends (be it you guys or family, etc…) I’m some kind of super-star because I put in a couple 5-10 miles trail-runs most weeks and occasionally do something in the 10-20 mile range. But really, I’m a horrible runner.”

And that is how the conversation went, over and over again. It goes similarly when I am catching up with old friends or with family I haven’t seen in a while. Seriously – I’m not trying to be annoyingly self-deprecating and/or fish for compliments. I really don’t consider myself much of a runner.

Ok – get your eye rolls over with…..I’m waiting……ok. Now, let me explain.

I started “running” about 3 years ago, working my way up to a 5k and a 5 mile race back in Kearney, Nebraska in 2012. It was all pavement and it hurt. After a lifetime of hating running, however, it was exciting to actually do a race. Fast-forward to Summer 2013 when I moved to Utah and discovered there was this thing called “trail-running.” Having grown up hiking a lot, this was a revelation to me and I quickly dove in. However, I’m lazy and not very smart. Much of that first year of “running” was me getting over-use injuries from not knowing what I was doing. I kept at it though because I loved exploring trails, ridges, canyons, mountains, and beautiful places. Slowly, I also got hooked on the sense of accomplishment and physical exhilaration of doing hard things.

Along the way, however, I found myself in an uncomfortable place (and still do, to some extent). The trail-running friends and community I was interacting with seemed to be largely made up of people who ran ultra-marathons. 50k, 50 mile, 100k, 100 mile, and even 200 mile trail races! I was trying to be a “trail-runner” but unable to engage in the “So, what race is up next for you” conversation that usually accompanied interacting with them. It was awkward and I felt a bit sheepish. I freely admit that. I loved what I was doing, but wished I could do more. I really admired these people. What they did was amazing.

Slowly, as my strength grew, I felt like I actually could and wanted to try out a race myself. Not because I felt inadequate compared to my friends or out of any sense of competition. I  just felt the desire to do it for myself. I did an ultra distance in December 2014 as a solo adventure run and then signed up for the Bryce 50k on June 6, 2015. It was an amazing experience. However, it didn’t fundamentally change how I felt about myself as a “runner.”

I was still slow, still under-trained, still a total noob amateur. And, I still am.

Increasingly, I am coming to the realization that I’m ok with that. I’m ok being a slowpoke, as long as I can keep on getting out there and seeing beautiful things. I love exploring. I love to be outside. I love the satisfaction and thrill of doing hard things. Official ultramarathon races are an exciting way to fulfill all of those motives for running.

This next Saturday, I will run my second 50k – the Antelope Island Fall Classic 50k. The weather is scheduled to be in the low-50s. Absolutely perfect. I don’t feel all that prepared but can’t wait to get out there. A friend said that doing 1 means you have run an ultramarathon. But doing 2 makes you an “ultramarathoner” as it means you’ve established a pattern of repeating the activity. I’m not sure about that…but I’m excited to see if I can beat my previous time. I’m excited to share the trail with others. I look forward to seeing friends, engaging in vigorous high-5s, and crossing the finish line.

Do I aspire to longer distances? Maybe some day. But I’m not in a hurry. Hopefully I have a lot of years ahead to get there.

A million thanks to new running friends that have entertained my efforts, and family that has put up with my new hobby.